When to Be Direct—and When to Be Subtle—in Networking

If you’ve ever dreaded networking because it feels like asking for a job, you’re not alone. Many job seekers—especially those transitioning out of academia or into new industries—struggle to balance two things:

1. Making their career interests clear

2. Not coming across as desperate or transactional

The truth is sometimes it’s absolutely fine to be direct. If you’re talking with a close colleague, a trusted mentor, or someone who has explicitly offered to help, you don’t need to dance around your goals. Being straightforward can save everyone time.

But there are also times when directness might not be the best approach, such as when you’re speaking with a new contact, meeting someone in a higher-level role, or trying to build a relationship in an unfamiliar industry. In those cases, subtlety can help you create rapport and learn without putting pressure on the other person.

Why Subtlety Matters

When you’re indirect, you’re showing genuine curiosity about someone’s work and perspective. This can make the conversation feel more authentic and less transactional. Subtle approaches:

• Build trust and stronger long-term relationships.

• Allow others to share openly without feeling like they’re being “used.”

• Give people room to offer help naturally, in ways you might not have even thought to ask for.

Conversation Starters That Signal Your Interests

Here are some ways to weave your career interests into a conversation, without making it sound like a request for a job lead:

• “I’ve been curious about how [industry/field] is shifting lately. From where you sit, what changes have you noticed?”

• “I keep running into articles about [role/sector]. Has that come up in your work at all?”

• “I’ve been hearing a lot about [organization/mission area]. What’s your take on how it’s evolving?”

• “It seems like [field/role] is getting more attention these days—what’s been your experience with that?”

• “I’ve been inspired by how some organizations are approaching [cause/issue]. Have you seen any especially innovative approaches?”

• “I’m trying to get a sense of what day-to-day work really looks like in [field/role]. What parts of your job feel most engaging to you?”

• “When you think about where your field is headed, what roles or skills do you think will be especially valuable?”

When It’s Okay to Be Direct

There are situations where subtlety isn’t necessary or might even hold you back. For example:

• When talking to a mentor or sponsor who already knows your career goals.

• When a colleague explicitly asks how they can help you.

• When you’ve built enough trust with someone that being clear feels natural.

In these cases, it’s perfectly appropriate to say something like:

• “I’m actively looking for opportunities in [field/role]. If you hear of anything, I’d love to know.”

• “I’m hoping to connect with people at [organization]. Do you know anyone I could reach out to?”

Navigating the Balance

The art of networking is knowing when to be direct and when to be subtle. If you’re just starting a relationship or want to learn more about a field, keep it light and curiosity-driven. If you’re with someone you trust or someone who’s invited you to share your goals, go ahead and state them plainly.

Be flexible: not every conversation has to serve the same purpose. Some will be about learning, some about connecting, and others about asking for concrete help. Together, they build a stronger, more genuine network.

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© 2025 Marya T. Mtshali. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the author.