Networking Without the "Ick": Networking as Relationship-Building

I love networking. Not only do I find it fun because I get to meet new people, but I have also learned so much through my networking experiences. I have found networking so beneficial that I make networking goals part of my quarterly goals, regardless of what is going on with my career.

However, rewind to years ago, and the discussion of networking would have been met with a painful, reluctant groan from me. I hated it. I found it uncomfortable at all levels — from initiating a connection to actually meeting the person. It felt draining and often like a waste of time. For the hours of effort I would put in, I rarely saw immediate benefit. So I only networked when I felt I absolutely needed to.

When I speak to clients about networking, I often hear the same groan. They question whether it’s really necessary. They describe it as time-consuming and, yes, icky. I usually smile and say, “I used to feel the same way — and now I love networking. I think we can get you there, too.”

Like many PhDs, I was first introduced to networking as something transactional. It was framed as “working a room,” targeting the right people, and trying to get something out of the interaction: a reference, a job, a connection. That framing is what gives so many PhDs the ick.

What changed everything for me was reframing networking as relationship-building. When networking is relationship-building, the goal shifts from extraction to connection.

I invite you to consider reframing networking in the same way -- here's how to approach it:

1. Focusing on Connection

At its core, networking is about connecting with another human being to potentially build a relationship.

Yes, that relationship may one day lead to a job opportunity. But it may also lead to insight, clarity about a sector, exposure to a new role, or simply a shift in how you think about your work.

When the goal shifts from “What can I get?” to “What can we learn from each other?” the entire interaction changes.

2. Curiosity Is the Starting Point

Relationship-building begins with genuine curiosity. You are showing up to understand: How did this person get here? What do they actually do day-to-day? What do they like (or dislike) about their role? What does their sector reward?

Curiosity creates conversations that feel thoughtful rather than strategic.

3. Reciprocity Matters, Even Early On

Relationship-building is not one-sided. Even if you are in transition, you have knowledge, insight, and connections to offer. You might share an article. Introduce two people. Offer perspective from academia that someone in industry finds valuable.

When both people leave the conversation having gained something — perspective, clarity, a resource — the interaction feels energizing rather than transactional.

4. Depth Leaves a Stronger Impression Than Exposure

“Working a room” can often produce shallow exchanges that are quickly forgotten. You meet many people, but none of the interactions go very far.

One-on-one conversations, on the other hand, allow for depth. They create space for thoughtful questions and meaningful dialogue. They are often more comfortable for introverts and more aligned with how many PhDs naturally engage.

5. Relationship-Building Requires Ongoing Contact

Developing a relationship is about low-engagement and active networking to grow and sustain the connection.

Low-engagement networking keeps you lightly connected and looks like commenting thoughtfully on a post, sending congratulations, and sharing something relevant to a past conversation.

Active networking, on the other hand, involves intentional outreach — informational interviews, follow-ups, or deeper conversations when you are exploring a direction.

Effective networking blends both. Active conversations start the relationship. Low-engagement touchpoints maintain it. Together, they create continuity.

6. You Don’t Always Know What a Relationship Will Become

One of the most surprising things I’ve learned is that not all professional relationships stay purely professional.

Some of my networking conversations have turned into genuine friendships. Others have evolved into collaborations years later. Some have simply expanded my thinking in ways that shaped future decisions. A few have helped friends obtain jobs.

Most meaningful careers are built over years, not weeks. Relationship-building works the same way. A conversation today may not produce anything immediate and that’s fine. When you play the long game, networking becomes less about urgency and more about participation in a community you genuinely want to be part of.

Looking for support in navigating your career journey? Let’s chat — it’s free, and you’ll walk away with actionable steps to start your journey.

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© 2026 Marya T. Mtshali. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the author.